I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
