its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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