I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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