I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
