You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
