jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
