I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
