my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
