life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize