you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
