I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
