Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
