My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
