No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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