Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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