Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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