I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
