You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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