whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
