Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize