Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
