I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
