if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
