turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
