I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
