Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
