My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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