Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
