I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
