I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
