She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize