and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
