I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
