You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
