In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
