Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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