I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
