my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
