I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
