I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
