Who wears a wallet chain?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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