No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize