tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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