Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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