when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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