6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
