Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your cock deserves a montage
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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