Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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