Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize