Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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