So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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