Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize