careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
