Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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