im six kinds of drunk right now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
