Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
