I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
