evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
