I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this hospital has no fireball
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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