Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Your penis caused this!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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