the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
