I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
