Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
