she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
