I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize