I want to make a zoo with you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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