the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
