I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
