you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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