Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
