the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize